Thursday, July 8, 2010

Top 10 Reasons to Celebrate Claire

Today is Claire's 10th Birthday! Today Claire would have been 10 years old! Today Claire and I would have been working on our plans to celebrate her 10th Birthday, her first double digit Birthday because most people don't make it to triple digit Birthdays (I never imagined that one of my daughters would not even make it to their double digit birthday)! We had already talked about what she wanted to do! Maybe a trip to NYC but probably a Disney Cruise! It's hard not to muddle in the misery of wanting Claire back, it's hard not to think of all the dreams we had for her, it's hard not to imagine the "what ifs" and the "what should have beens"!

Claire loved a party, she was always the first to get out our "Family Party Box" and decorate for any occasion, just because! So today, we celebrate Claire!

Top Ten Reasons to Celebrate Claire!
10. Claire was always the life of the party!
9. Claire always wanted to celebrate others!
8. It was so much fun to watch Claire having fun!
7. Claire's laughter was infectious and filled you with instant joy and happiness!
6. Claire's sparkle in her eye made you immediately wonder what she was up to!
5. Claire partied hard but would crash when she stopped (and that's when we could finally snuggle with her)!
4. Claire was a constant moving target enjoying everyone around her and bringing a smile to everyone's face! "Where's Claire?"
3. Claire was always up for an adventure and kept us all guessing about what was coming next!
2. Claire Loved Jesus with all of her heart and wasn't afraid to tell anyone!!

and the #1 Reason to Celebrate Claire's Birthday is because of:
Psalms 139:13-16 "Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day."

On this your 10th Birthday Claire, you will forever be 8 years old, frozen in time for as long as I dwell on this earth! Tonight, my arms are empty, my heart is aching, my eyes are filled with tears and my soul is warm with Joy for all of the Sheltering Trees that God has surrounded me with to help Celebrate You today!

Happy Birthday, My Precious Claire! Love, Mommy

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Just One More Day

WOW!! It has been a long time, since I blogged! Thought I would take a few minutes and share some thoughts on my first entire calendar year without my precious daughter to share it with!

365 Days! I have NEVER done anything for a consecutive 365 days! Although I have had great intentions! I start out with a bang, you know committing to something for a few days, maybe even a few weeks, but after a while something else comes along and takes my attention away from my original goal and then I either set a new goal, re-adjust the goal or worse give up!

But, for the entire calendar year of 2009~ 365 days, 24 hours a day, 60 minutes an hour I grieved and mourned my daughter! I have cried out to God in my conscience and subconscious for comfort, for understanding, for hope, for reassurance that He will continue to carry me through this valley. And you know what, not one single solitary day, has He left me to travel this journey alone. My Heavenly Father has been right beside be holding me up this entire year! Amen!

It has actually been 593 days: that's 1 year, 7 months and 13 days, since Claire's soul left my arms and went to rest in Jesus' arms. This has been the most agonizing 593 days I could have ever imagined. I have begged and begged God for Just One More Day with Claire, just one more minute to feel her little body, to smell her breath, to watch her do a cartwheel, to see that precious smile that lit up the air surrounding her, to just have another day.

I have thought, many times, about what I would do if I had one more day with Claire. I would take her to the Rock and Gem store downtown that she asked to go into every single time we drove by and I was always too busy trying to get from one place to another to just stop. I would take her to McDonald's for chicken nuggets, french fries and milk, just because! I would take her to the park and watch her climb every thing there and laugh in amazement at the way she would wrap her arms and legs around the steel. I would insist on washing her hair, body and in between her toes, in the tub, even though she believed she could do a better job than me! I would curl up in bed with her and read every storybook she wanted me to until she fell asleep (instead of me being the one who was tired). I would rub her back, while she slept, until my fingers were too sore to move.

But, you know the reality is, I won't have another day to do all those things and if I did, then I would want Just One More Day!

"Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:16