Wow! How many times have I heard that phrase this past week?
Dreams come in all shapes and sizes! As little girls we dream about our prince charming and that fairytale wedding, as teenagers we dream about the car we will drive or the college we will get a full-ride to, as young adults we dream about that great job we will land (of course, with that great salary); as a young married couple we dream about that first baby and a brand new home to take them to, and then as parents we begin to dream for our children. We even pray that God will so evidently reveal himself to them that they will have no question of the direction their lives will take.
We have dreams for all of our girls! Abbigayle is so graceful and has such a loving personality and I am so proud of the young woman she is becoming, one that loves the Lord and wants to please him! Caroline is sweet and caring and wants to make us proud! Sarah is silly and sensitive and wants us all to laugh! And Claire, Claire was fun, just plain laugh till your belly hurts, try anything kind of fun! We used to say that "Fun" was Claire's middle name.
As Jeff and I grow old together, one day we will sit still and reflect back upon the dreams we had for our daughters and watch with amazement of how God fulfilled those dreams! However, all of those dreams of what Claire would become are gone, they must be put away in some crevice of my heart to be held for what might have been, if she were still with us!
Since Claire's death, I have often felt afraid of what tomorrow may bring or actually, what the next moment may bring. I have experienced my life crumbling right in front of me and not been able to do a thing about it. Not been able to scream or cry or have any sense about the moment. As Claire slipped away from us on July 17th I wanted to run and scream and at the same moment I wanted to hold on to Claire so tight that life would remain the same. Claire's death has brought me to a place that offers little hope in what tomorrow may bring, here on earth. It's hard to get excited about what our future holds when my soul longs to be in the arms of my Saviour and experience the peace that Claire has. Claire's death has robbed us of the dreams we had for her. The dreams of her future and the future of our family.
Right after Claire died I had nightmares, you know the kind of dreams that wake you up sweating and crying. Since then I have had several dreams about Claire. I cherish those dreams. The ones where she is wrapping her arms around my neck, knowing that she has to leave but wanting to stay just a while longer. I pray nightly for another dream like that. We have all had dreams with Claire in them, some comforting, others not as comforting. Dreams are a powerful tool!
As we begin to reshape our dreams for our family, we are praying that God will be in midst of our dreams and hopes and wishes!
And once again, I am reminded of God's promise in Jeremiah 29: 10-12 "This is God's Word on the subject: 'As soon as Babylon's seventy years are up and not a day before, I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen.'" (The Message)
12 years ago
8 comments:
oh sweet angela! thank you for your honesty and transparency. i sit here with tears streaming down my face! we continue to pray for you all and trust that those dreams with sweet claire in them will come when you need them most! i love you so and cherish the fact that you played a huge part in one of our biggest dreams coming true!!! thank you for allowing HIM to use you and i pray you will rest in HIM as he guides you each day!!
Angela and Jeff, I truly can't imagine what you all have been through. This has been a rough week for me and God put your blog in my path. It is as if He wanted me to see what "Praising Him in the storm" was like. That is a gift that I pray God will bestow upon me. What a blessing you are. May God continue to comfort you. We will certainly continue to pray for you.
Angela, I too thank you for your candidness in sharing a bit of your grief. Like so many others, I cannot even begin to imagine the path you and your family are walking. I pray that God will continue to guide you and comfort you. Imagine, Claire is now in Heaven with God and can visualize His dream for her family and watch it all unfold! I'm sure Claire will visit you in your dreams as God feels it is necessary.
Love, Jennifer Isaacs
You are so correct my sweet girl. I know about all those dreams we have for our children and grandchildren.
One of my dreams for my children was that they would find the mate God intended for them to have. You are the answer to one of my dreams, the one I had for Jeff. Thank you!!!!
I love you so much and the tears flowed while reading your amazing blog. We just finished a series at church that Louie Giglio did on "The anchor of hope-when life hurts the most". I thought of you & Jeff the entire time. You have both been the perfect example of how God intends for us to respond when our world comes crashing down around us. I understand the feeling of losing all hope for the next moment here on earth, not nearly to the extent that you do. I have also learned to enjoy each moment with Lelia & Ryan to the fullest because I never know what may happen. I love you and miss you and long for the day when I hug Jesus first, and then am able to wrap my arms around your beautiful, hilarious, smart, brave, loving daughter.
Tonight through the Beth Moore Bible study on Esther, she said this, "You cannot amputate your history from your destiny. You can't become the person God wants you to be without your history. That's what redemption is!" Then she referenced Jeremiah 29:11 (I love the translation from The Message, by the way). She also said that our past and our future share the same root - Jesus. I know the pain I feel for you, but I also know that it doesn't even close to the hurt you all feel every day. What I do know is that god knew that this would become a part of your family's history. He also knew that it would help to form all 5 of you, and all of your family and friends, into the people He wants us to be. Hang on to Him and the plan He has for you! I know he has much joy, laughter, and blessing in store for all of you. DREAM big!!! I love you so much.
Kim
Your strength amazes me.
I apologize for not having anything eloquent or profound to say. I just wanted you to know that your story has touched me and your faith has inspired me. Your family is in my prayers. Blessings to you all.
Post a Comment