Thursday, May 7, 2009

"You Don't Bring Me (Paper) Flowers Anymore"

OK, remember the Neil Diamond (love him!) and Barbara Streisand song! Well, I was thinking about all of my past Mother's Days and how lucky and blessed I have been! Jeff and I were married in December of 1994 and we became pregnant with Abbigayle in April of 1995, so my entire married adult life I have been happy on Mother's Day! I have had a reason to celebrate as an expectant mom or as a mommy!

I have seen many of my family and dear friends sit in church Mother's Day Sunday after Mother's Day Sunday and have an undescribable longing in their heart and soul to hold a child of their own in their arms.

Again, I know that I have been very blessed to never have had that yearning or aching inside! However, this Mother's Day, well this Mother's Day I have such a mix of emotions running through my soul! God has blessed me with 4 very precious, loving, caring and beautiful daughters and for that I thank Him everyday!! But for me this year there is a saddness and an aching that can't be explained!

Since Claire has gone home, I'm not sure where I fit in the mother role! It's really kinda strange! Aren't mother's suppose to protect and care for their children? Aren't they suppose to kiss their "boo boos" and make it all better? I feel like somehow I failed, I feel like I didn't protect Claire! As you all know Claire was a very adventurous little girl, Jeff and I had said many times, she's the one we will end up in the ER with.

Little did we know that we would only take her to the ER once; little did I know that I wouldn't be able to put a funky band-aid on this injury and make it all better; little did I know that I would be blessed enough to hold Claire in my arms as she took her last breath here on earth; little did I know that as Clarie's mother I would yearn for her touch like I have never yearned for anything else in this world!

Last year was a great Mother's Day for me and my family! My parents, sisters and their families all came to our house for Mother's Day! We enjoyed a nice cookout on Saturday and were all able to go to church together on Sunday! It was a great weekend and one I will cherish forever!

This year, well this year, I am honestly dreading Mother's Day! Where does a grieving Mother fit in? I'm not sure! At churches all around the world mother's of all shapes, sizes, races and ages will stand in pride and joy as they are recognized. But I bet not one church will recognize those mother's who have sent a child home to Heaven. Flowers will be given to the newest mom, oldest mom, mother with the most children, etc. And even if a grieving mother is recognized, she wouldn't stand with pride and joy in her heart, she would stand with saddness and longing in her soul!

For almost 13 years now, I have received some type of handmade gift from my chidren and many of those years have included a paper flower - tissue paper, construction paper, you name the paper and I have the flower! Shortly after Claire died I found the last Mother's Day flower she made for me, it is a pink cut out of her handprint taped to a green chenille stick and I pinned it on my corkboard in my office! Now, probably one of my most precious gifts from Claire. When she gave it to me, did I beam with joy and excitement? I sure hope so! I will never receive another paper flower from Claire, but I am so thankful I have saved all of the ones I did receive. I believe I could have one beautiful bouquet of flowers that my children have made for me and they will all be very unique and priceless!

This Mother's Day let me encourage each of you to pray for all of the mother's out there. Mother's come in many shapes and sizes and they all need our prayers:
* Pray for the women who want so desperatly to be mommy's
* Pray for the mother who never got to hold her baby or kiss their little cheek
* Pray for the mother's who have made the agonizining choice to give their babies up for adoption
* Pray for the mother's who chose abortion and would change that desicion in a heartbeat if they could
* Pray for the mother's who are pregnant and will hold a new baby in their arms very soon
* Pray for the mother's who are exhausted because they have a house full of toddlers and their only refuge is when they go to the bathroom by themselves
* Pray for the mother's who leave their children in the care of someone else everyday so they can make a difference in the workplace
* Pray for those mother's whose teenager has made decisions that have caused pain in their hearts
* Pray for those mother's who will send their child off to college soon
* Pray for those mother's who will or have sent their child off to war
* Pray for those mother's who haven't spoken to their child in years
* Pray for the mother whose husband has left and now she is alone to care for her children while trying to raise them in a Godly home
* Pray for the woman who has married a widower with children of his own
* Pray for the mother who fears for her safety and the safety of her children
* Pray for the mother who is grieving the death of their spouse and trying to hold it together for the children
* Pray for the mother has lived a lifetime and now sees the fruits of her labor
in her children, grandchildren and maybe even great-grandchildren
* Pray for the mother who mourns the death of her mother
* Pray for the mother who was told that her child has a very serious illness and now spends every waking moment caring for that child in fear of what the next moment may bring
* Pray for the mother who has a received a terminal diagnosis, probably won't be here for next Mother's Day, and is spending every ounce of energy she has to enjoy every moment left with her children
* Pray for the grieving mother who has watched one her chidren be called home to Jesus!
* Pray for the mother of your spouse
* PRAY FOR YOUR MOTHER!!

I can insert names into each of the scenerios and I am certain you could to! Pray for those women God has placed in your lives this Mother's Day!

"Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her"
Proverbs 31:28

Blessings to You!! Angela

4 comments:

The Rectors said...

Well friend, I think you've just about summed up all of the ups and downs that we as mothers can possibly face. I hope you take great peace in knowing that you loved Claire more than enough while she was with you and I know you will continue to do the same for Abbie, Caroline, & Sarah. I like to think that Claire and my mom have found each other in heaven and that they'll be spending some time together this weekend. I love you so much!
Kim

Emily Parker said...

You are amazing Angela! Thank you for being such an awesome mother to 4 of my perfect nieces! I have learned so much about being a mommy from you! I can't even begin to imagine how tough this Mother's Day will be for you. I love you so much and miss you am so proud you are my sister!
Emily

jbarnhardt said...

Dear Angela,
My heart aches for you too today as I wish you a Happy Mother's Day.
Lots of love,
Jennie

Trinity and Eddie said...

My heart continues to break for all of you. I cannot imagine the pain you still go through every day. I am sorry I never met her. Mary Joyce (my cousin) told me her story. Now that I have found you in blog world, I look forward to reading more about you all. I don't update our blog as much as I used too- I am chasing my 1 year old around these days. Love, Trinity