Thursday, June 11, 2009

School's Out!!

I can't believe we have completed another school year already!! Where has the time gone?

Abbie finished 7th grade and Caroline is now a 2nd grader! I am so proud of both of them, you know statistics show that is takes students about 2 years to get back on track at school after the death of someone close and both of my girls have done very well, despite the inner pain they are sure to be experiencing! They are GREAT!!

On the last day of school last year, Abbie went home with a friend and Claire and Caroline asked me to pick them up from school. After saying goodbye to their teachers and friends we came home with their lunchboxes still packed and Claire, Caroline and Sarah sat in the front yard having a picnic and relishing in the moment. Excited about summer plans!! What a pleasant memory for me.

As we walked out of their elementary school last May little did I know that the next time I would walk those halls it would be for a Celebration Service of my precious daughter's life! Never for one moment would I have expected last summer to turn so horrifically sad.

This year, as I picked up Caroline, we said our goodbyes, and I fought back with every ounce in my being, tears. Tears that I knew would not stop for a long time once they started! We walked through the quiet hallways and I kept wondering, "what will this summer bring?" "Will I even have a child at this school next year?" "Will all of my children make it through the summer alive?" Those are some of the thoughts that now crowd my grieving mind!

That was a very tough day for me! But once again, (surprise surprise) our Heavenly Father took me in His arms and assured me that he will take care of me! We do have a future, we do have hope!! No, I don't have a crystal ball and I can't see into the future, but I know that God has a plan for me, my children and our family. Jeff has said to me several time recently "If God is asking the question, then our answer must be Yes!"

I don't know what this summer will hold for us, I do know that I am working hard this month so that next month I can just be. I can be still and know that God is holding me in his lap and wiping my tears away!

Jeremiah 29:13 says "You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all of your heart."

I am seeking God like I have never sought Him before. He is my only true comfort in this storm of grief! He is the only one who can truly celebrate with me in those moments of joy! He is the only one who is truly with me in those quiet moments when I wonder what the next moment will bring. He is the only one who hears my heart of a mother that yearns and aches for my baby.

Let God be your "only one." Seek Him with all your heart! He is right there waiting to be found! ALWAYS He is there!!



beth spray said...

angela - i am praying through tears as i type! i can only imagine what the next several weeks will bring for you all, but know we will be praying!! HE IS always there and i pray you continue to feel HIM in new ways every day!! we love you guys!!!

Angela Kooles said...

Angela, I just recently learned of your loss. Please know that my family and I will keep you and your family in our prayers. I don't know if the subject ever came up all those years ago when we used to talk at Dimensions but Dennis and I lost a child also...our son Kory. It's been 17yrs now and in alot of ways it seems like only yesterday. Trust in God, HE will see you through :) Please give our love to Jeff and the girls and know I am here if you need anything. I will continue to pray for you and your family.
Love, The Kooles
Angela, Dennis, Alaenah, Jocelyn, Logan, Gannon and Kaydence

Sandra said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Rectors said...

Just want you to know that we are here for you guys every step of the way this summer (and always!) and that I'll do whatever you need me to do to help you just "be" and enjoy your sweet family. I love you friend!!!

Angie said...

Praying for you all to be able to continue holding to your Mighty Fortress and Strong Tower during the next several weeks (and years)!! You are an amazing mom!! I can't believe, as I look over your posts, how many "everyday" mundane events of our lives--you took pictures!!!!(I don't think I have every taken a picture on the last day of school.) How amazing that God knew that we would all need to be reminded that life happens in those moments that we let quickly slip through our hands!! You DIDN'T let them slip through!! Claire was SO blessed to have you for a mother! (of course, to have Jeff and the girls, as well). Love you and will continue our prayers for you and the family!